Workshop of Wendy's Paper

Rough Draft #1 Workshop QuestionsOverall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.
I liked the beginning the best. The topic is really good and I got excited reading the first two paragraphs. So basically, I’m saying I liked the topic the best.

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.
The author said: “Probably the biggest concern I have about it is finding more information to further develop it into the final draft. I feel that the topic I chose was a good one, I just need to dig a little deeper or develop certain paragraphs more. Let me know what you think!”
In response to that: Yes, more information is exactly what will make this paper perfect (because I think it’s already pretty good). I’m not an expert on this subject so I can’t help you find more information, but I liked the examples you used, and I know you could find more. And, if you want to “dig deeper” you could go into the politics of recycling water more, and what specific politicians have to say about it, because you only touched on that in the paper.

Thesis3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?
The thesis is clearly expressed. The author argues that water recycling is important because they save million of gallons each day and protect the environment. I didn’t see a third part, so maybe the thesis was not so clear, I would check the thesis with the teacher or an expert before you turn in the final draft.

4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?
The audience for this paper would probably be split 50/50 between agreement and disagreement. Most reasonable people would agree that it is smart to recycle water. People who think it’s gross would probably disagree, as well as tax payer who want to save there money (because from the paper I got the understanding that building water recycling centers is expensive, maybe the author could talk more about how the long term benefits out-weight the initial costs)

5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?
Yes.

Content6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)
The topic is very interesting! For the first three paragraphs I’d give a 9.5 but to the last two I would give a five or six, it lost some momentum in the middle.

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).
More examples!! The second to the last paragraph sounds like your conclusion, I was almost surprised that there was another paragraph after it. So if you could separate those two paragraphs more… if that makes any sense…the ending would be crystal clear.

8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.
One of objections that someone might raise would be the “gross factor” but the athour did a good job of addressing that. Another is the economics of building water treatment facilities, the author could go into that in greater detail, probably a whole paragraph could be about that alone.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections?
See the answer to #8

10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?
Yeah, but in my answer to question # 7 talks about the last two paragraphs, those were foggy.

Style11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?
The transitions were good, the author is good at transitioning.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?
The opening has lots of energy, it caught my attention.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?
The conclusion logically follows the thesis, but it is jumbles together with the paragrph before it which makes it seem super long.

Research14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited or References (depending if it's MLA or APA); look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)
These are the different sources cites in the paper that I found (so eleven different sources)
(Integrated water systems, 2007)
(Ecos, 2007) / Ecos article
(Rocky Mountain News, 2007)
(Local News 8, 2007) Australia
(Nova – Science.org.au, 2007)
(News Fuze, 2007)

Tampa Tribune / (TBO, 2007)
(Bluestein, 2007)
(Wall Street Journal 120)
(epa, 2007)


15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?
The author uses all of the sources that are cited in the paper.

16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?
The personal opinion and quotes are, form what I can tell, balanced.

17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)
I’m not 100% sure about this, but the author should check these sources just to be sure, because I did not find them cited anywhere in the paper.

GE Water and Process Technologies (2007) Retrieved October 11, 2007 from http://www.gewater.com

Scott, J. (2007) Increase in Peninsula Bills Expected. Water Ways. Retrieved from http:// www.insidebayarea.com on September 26, 2007.

Kruszelnicki, K. (2006) Water Recycling. Great Moments in Science. Retrieved from http://www.abc.net.au on September 26, 2007.


Bluestein, G. (2007) Georgia has no plan for drought. Associated Press. Retrieved from http://www.decaturdaily.com/decaturdaily/news/071029/drought.shtml on October 31, 2007

Membrane Technology. (2007) Rising demand for fresh water drives recycling systems market. Membrane Technology. Retrieved on October 19, 2007 from Ebsco Host.

18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).
“Wastewater has been treated to a level that is fit for drinking, consumers, especially the public, do not have a complete understanding of the treatment techniques for reusing waste water and find these ‘toilet to tap’ projects unacceptable.” -- The authors never say’s where this quote came from.

19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.
The author commented on every quotes, as far as I can tell, and did a good job incorporating them into the article.

GOOD PAPER! I enjoyed it, I hope this workshop helped.

http://fnwlb.blogspot.com/