workshop of Donna's Research Paper Second Draft

Rough Draft #2
Workshop Questions

Overall
1. What do you like best about the paper? Be specific.

I liked the topic and how the author presents evidence from both sides of the argument.
I also like the scientific explanations.

2. Email the author and ask for one particular concern that s/he had about the draft. Examine that area and see if you can offer the author helpful suggestions.

The author said, “My concern is that I haven't paraphrased well enough, and I will be
accused of plagiarism.” What I will do is copy/paste the parts that seem to be missing a citation or that do not seem paraphrased, and then you can look them over and decide what to do with them.
and Thesis
3. Does the author clearly express his/her opinion of the topic in the thesis? What argument does the thesis make?

The Thesis is unclear and hard to understand, I had to reread it a few times just to see what it was saying. What I gathered from it was that the argument was something about how scientists need to study and discuss global warming more, and El Nino and La Nina. I would advise the author to talk to the professor about her thesis.

4. What group of people agrees with the author? What group disagrees with the author?

Well if the argument is about the causes of global warming, than big businesses that pollute would argue that global warming is caused by nature. Likewise, environmentally concerned people would agree with the author and argue that global warming is caused by humans. And if the main argument is over whether global warming is real or not, I’m pretty sure the same groups of people would be on both sides.

5. Does the paper have an argumentative thesis statement using ALTHOUGH and BECAUSE?
Yes.

Content
6. On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting did you find this paper to read? Be brutally honest! (Friends don’t let friend turn in boring essays!)

The topic of the paper and most of the information was interesting. However, the paper was really scattered and choppy which made it hard to read. Basically it was hard to follow and lost my interest because of that, I’d give it 5.

7.Where can the author more fully develop ideas, either by providing examples or explaining/clarifying concepts for the reader? Be specific (e.g. “the 3rd is dullsville”; “the conclusion is really vague”).

The author needs to clarify the point of the essay in the introduction! Also, the author asks questions throughout the essay like, “What is El Nino and its companion La Nina” and then answers them. I think the author should leave out the question part and just state and explain what she is trying to say because then her paper would be more straightforward.

8.What kinds of objections might someone who disagrees with the author’s point of view raise? If there are none, go back to #3.

I’m not 100% sure what the thesis is but from the paper I gathered that the author is against global warming and thinks people need to change their lifestyles to prevent it. Which also shows that she believes global warming is caused by man made factors.
If this is what the author is trying to express through her paper then she has done a good job because in the essay she represents both sides of the argument.

9.Has the author dealt with these objections?

For the most part, yes.

10.Is the relationship between each paragraph and the thesis clear? If not, what suggestions do you have for the author to improve the connection?

The author needs to clarify the thesis. Once she has done that maybe the reader will be able to see the connections between the paragraphs and the thesis. However, all the paragraphs do relate to the topic.

Style
11. Are there easy transitions from one paragraph to the next, or does the author jump from topic to topic?

The transitions are not smooth; the author could work on clarifying them. Also some of the paragraphs are really short and I think they should be combined with other paragraphs.

12. Does the opening of the essay capture the reader’s attention? How so? If not, what suggestions can you make that might strengthen the opening?

Like I’ve said before the opening confused me and the thesis confused me. The first thing I did after I read them was reread them. To strengthen the opening that author should clarify it because if the reader doesn’t understand the opening of an essay they most likely will not read it to the end.

13. Does the concluding paragraph serve to bring the discussion to an end that logically follows from the thesis and its direction?

I don’t like how there is a question in the conclusion; I think that it should be replaced by a statement. Also in the conclusion the author does not tie together all of the points that were made in the thesis and elaborated on in the body of the essay. Because of this it feels like nothing was concluded at the end of the essay.

Research
14. How many different sources are cited in the paper (don’t look at Works Cited or References (depending if it's MLA or APA); look at the parenthetical citations. The medium does not matter.)

These are the citations that I found in the paper:
(I think some of these are cited wrong. They aren’t supposed to be that long, the author will want to look back at the book and fix it. The ebscohost references are cited wrong and the reference page needs to be listed in alphabetical order.)
(http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=f5h&AN=24534949&site=ehost-live)
(http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=f5h&AN=26050935&site=ehost-live)(http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=f5h&AN=2610364&site=ehost-live)(http://www.aninconvenienttruth.co.uk/)
(http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=th&AN=26588396&site=ehost-live).
(IPCC)
(WMO),
(UNEP).
(http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/02/science/earth/02arct.html?_r=2&ei=5089&en=ca0a4e166facc160&ex=1349064000&adxnnl=1&oref=slogin&adxnnlx=1194497963-vVyBBw8IyudGNoq2aWvkFg)(http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=fih&AN=000909&site=ehost-live).(IARC),
(March 2007)
(http://people.iarc.uaf.edu/~sakasofu/pdf/Why_has_global_warming.pdf)(http://ww.ipcc.ch/about/about.htm)
(Climate Prediction Center/NCEP/NWS (2007 Sep 6)

15. Does the author rely heavily on just 1 or 2 sources, or does the author equally use all of the sources to support the paper’s thesis?

The author uses many sources equally, she does not rely on just a few over the other.

16. Does the author have more quotes in his/her paper than personal opinion?

No, the author only uses three or four quotes. The rest that is not cited I assume is personal opinion.

17. Are there any sources listed on the Works Cited or References that are not cited within the body of the essay? (This is a no-no)

I couldn’t find this reference cited in the paper, either I just missed it or the author didn’t cite it. She should double check.

McDonald, J. (2007 November) Wired News, China Signals Rejection of Emission Caps. Website:http://news.wired.com/dynamic/stories/C/CHINA_GLOBAL_WARMING?SITE=WIRE&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT&CTIME=2007-11-09-07-20-13

18. Is all the information retrieved from research, including opinion, ideas, paraphrases, quotes, and statistics, cited with in-text (parenthetical) citations? If not, list specifics of what needs to be cited (friends don’t let friends turn in plagiarized papers).

Here is some stuff that I found that might need to be cited. I’ll let the author decide. I’ll just bring it to your attention just in case ;)

“In contrast, La Nina is the opposite affect on the ocean that El Nino has. The ocean has cooler than normal temperatures between South America and the Dateline. The trade winds are stronger and push colder water the surface. This leads to less formation of rain clouds and can account for drier conditions in some places. Alaska can expect to see unusually colder winters.”

“Records in existence are not as accurate, nor is there as much data as scientists would like to have. However, they have recorded 23 El Ninos and 15 La Ninas in the past 98 years. Scientists have also seen four of the ten strongest El Ninos occur since 1980. Experts believe that these weather patterns change the rainfall and temperatures from decade to decade. Scientists now use Supercomputers for a method of predictions called climate modeling. Watching simulated climate changes using oceanic and atmospheric physics, then programming in real world information to see it the computer generated results”

“Global warming is being watched by experts all over the planet, not all of the results or conclusions are being reported the same however. Scientists all agree that a period of warming is occurring in the north, but they disagree about the causes. There is a variance of opinions on whether global warming is caused by human modification, or does the natural climate system exhibit this trend of cooling and warming, as El Nino and La Nina.”

“It is interesting to note that in a meeting with 80 nations that occurred in Indonesia to discuss emission reductions and binding caps on greenhouse gasses, China was adamant in not agreeing. They believe that developing countries should be exempt as they are attempting to fight poverty through industrialization. China believes that developed countries have caused climate and global warming, and that they should be the ones to take the responsibility for emission reductions” -----
----*What meeting was this?

19. All quotes in research papers should be commented upon. Does the author comment after every quote? If not, help the author decide what the underlying reason behind putting the quote in the paper was.

Here are all the quotes that I found in that paper. Most of them are cited, but for the ones that aren’t I’ll let the author decide how to cite them (because I feel that they are all relevant to the paper and should not be deleted.)

Dr. William Gray a US hurricane forecaster from Colorado State University noted that the strength of the 1997 El Nino was not anticipated by any prediction models. “We still have a very long way to go, but progress is being made and the forecast of the early arrival of this El Nino is testimony to that."

“Planetary emergency”
---* Does this need to be in quotations?

The IPCC goes on to say that “continental warming likely shows a significant anthropogenic ,originating with human activity, contribution over the past 50 years”…and “most of the observed warming over the last 50 years is likely to have been due to the increase in greenhouse gas concentrations. Discernible human influences now extend to other aspects of climate, including ocean warming, continental average temperatures, temperature extremes, and wind patterns”

“Ice that is disappearing is multi-year pack ice as opposed to first-year ice which forms each fall and thaws at the end of winter.”

IPCC document uses the term “very likely”

Dr. Akasofu has trouble with the term “most”, His rhetorical question is “Do all the participating scientists agree on the term “most”? If they do, what are their scientific bases?”

I hope that I haven’t come across as sounding over-critical and rude, I just want you to ace your final draft! My biggest advice would be to just email the Prof. about your thesis. I hope this helped!






DONNA'S BLOG: http://dkrxox.blogspot.com/2007/11/2nd-draft-research-paper-warming-oceans.html